Happy 21st Birthday my beautiful girl!

There are so many things I want to tell you on your birthday. There are so many times through out the day I want to call you and talk to you. There are so many people who love you and miss you.
Having Ashley when I was 16 was by far the hardest thing I thought I would ever do but losing her at the young age of 19 was heart wrenching. Ashley spent 19 beautiful years here on this earth, made countless memories, and touched so many lives. On her 21st birthday we remember the good times, the laughter, the memories made, the people who love her, the friends she cherished, the amazing food she cooked. We will celebrate by releasing balloons with hand written notes from us and her favorite meal Spaghetti Carbonara for dinner. Ashley's spirit lives on in all those who were lucky enough to meet her. Happy Birthday Beautiful!
Some of my favorite pictures of Ashley:

 

 

Summer Screen Time

Every year before school gets out I go on Pinterest and pin lots of ideas, activities, and summer fun! Then school get out we go on vacation, kids go to vbs and life gets busy. It isn't until about a month before school starts that I say oh yea I have that Pinterest stuff to I wanted to do. So this morning I modified a NO SCREEN TIME list for my kids. Here is our list. My twins are 7 so it may not work for your kids but you can modify it accordingly.

NO SCREEN TIME UNTIL

*You have read for 20 minutes

*Write a paragraph (4 sentences) about what you read

*Complete math sheet

*You have cleaned you room

*Brought down all laundry

*Put away all folded clothes

*Cleaned mirror and sink in bathroom

*Completed anything mommy/daddy have asked you to do

 

http://doubletheblessing.blogspot.com/

To Teach is to Touch a Life Forever

I would have never known how much this quote is true until yesterday. We glanced at each other in the cafeteria as I was preparing to eat a surprise lunch with Preston and Lily. She walked over and hugged me like no time had passed at all. She teared up and I cried. She said she has been a mess since hearing about the passing of Ashley. She looked at Lily and said Lily reminds me so much of Ashley. She said that just this week Lily came in from recess and was standing in her class room with another student. She should not have been in the class, it's not even her grade. I know these are all signs from above. I know Ashley is watching over us and her siblings.

Rewind to last Saturday. A picture of the new second grade team at my twins school came across my news feed on Facebook. I immediately recognized one of the ladies in the picture as Ashley's kindergarten teacher, Ms. Chalmers, back in 2000. I couldn't believe it, my jaw dropped, my eyes filled with tears. How in the world did our paths cross 14 years later at the same school my twins were at? I texted my friend which just so happens to be Lily's beloved kindergarten teacher from last year. I asked her if the lady in the picture taught at Adam elementary in 2000? She said yes and she remembers Ashley. Ms. Chalmers sent me a message on FB. We chatted about the past, about Ashley and about our lives now. She taught at the twins school last year as well. I can not believe that the amount of time I spent up at the school last year (kinder) and this year we have not seen each other. It's amazing to see the love that kids have for their teachers. Ashley talked about Ms. Chalmers all the time, she was clearly her favorite. Lily has the same love for her kinder teacher too. She still goes by her class daily just to say hi. Lily's love for her teacher reminds me so much of Ashley's love for Ms. Chalmers. I can't wait to see what the future holds. Lily's kindergarten teacher and Ashley's kindergarten teacher will be teaching second grade next year. I'll be honest and tell you I have prayed that Preston or Lily get one of them! How cool would that be that one of my kid's is assigned to the same teacher that taught Ashley 14 years ago?!?!?

363 days

On Monday April 6th it will be 365 days since Ashley passed away. I have been thinking about how I will mark that day. To be honest I am not sure that day will be any different than the past 364 days before it. For the past 363 days I have prayed daily, cried often, questioned lots of things, been angry and anxious.
No matter what stage of grief you are in...... it sucks!

Forever in our hearts

Sweet conversation with Preston this morning. He asked me what I was making and I told him a garden flag for Ashley to put on her grave. He asked if we were going to the cemetery while we were in Centerville, Texas I said yes but only if you want too (he didn't want to the last time) He said yea I'll go me, Carly and Lily can play while you visit sissy.

Happy Birthday Beautiful!

20 years ago on October 29, 1994 at 9:20 am a little 6 lb 14 oz baby girl was placed in my arms. I remember her birth like it was yesterday. Even at the young age of 16 I was the best mom I knew how to be. Ashley always came first, and her life was full of lasting memories, lots of love and laughter. Not a day goes by that I don't think of all the great times we had together and all the memories we made.
6 months and 23 days ago Ashley went to heaven, this is her first birthday we will be spending without her. I would give anything to hear her laugh and see that smile. It will be a day full of tears but it will also be a day we will celebrate the life she had. We are taking the kids out of school, Aaron took off work and we are heading up to Centerville to the cemetery where Ashley is buried to place balloons and flowers on her grave.
I know this will be a sad day so please pray for us, our family and all of Ashley's friends.

We had a balloon release yesterday evening in Ashley's honor. Thank you to our friends, family, our worship pastor, JJ and our pastor Zach for being there for this special occasion. We are truly blessed to call you all our friends and we continue to be amazed by the love everyone has given us.

Foot Tattoo

I know it's a little cheesy to write about a tattoo but it's my blog so I will. I have wanted a tattoo on my foot for a long long time. I always said I would wait until we were done having kids first. What I wanted was 5 stargazer lilies to signify my children, Ashley, Preston, Mason (passed in utero at 25 weeks) Lily and Carly. I had high expectations though. I didn't want just a random tattoo artist. I wanted the best, Dan Smith from the show LA Ink. Over labor day weekend 2012 Aaron surprised me with a trip to LA to get a tattoo by Dan. I was shocked! I showed Dan my idea and he made it happen. He drew it free hand and made it everything I could have dreamed of. My next tattoo will be a tribute to my dad and daughter. Both lost too soon. I want to get the same sparrow on the back of my neck that Ashley had on her lower abdomen. She was such a free spirit and really soared above like a bird. Under it I want to put "Fly Free" in my dad's handwriting just as he and Ashley did their whole lives. 

#dansmith #capturedtattoo 
{foot tattoo} {stargazer lilies}

Ashley is missed everyday!

Since Ashley passed I have read articles, blogs and posts about teen addiction. I have questioned my own ability to parent. I have questioned every decision we made on Ashley's behalf. I have looked at my 3 little kids and wonder if there is something that I can do now to prevent them from following a troubled road. Reading articles like this one help me realize that people are people and are going to do what they are going to do. All we can do is love them and be there to pick them up when they fall.  I realize God has a plan for us all.
Parenting Teens That Struggle

I have learned over the years to not judge. You don't know what people are going through. You don't know what struggles lie within the walls of their homes. Be an encourager and uplift people. 

The healing begins.....

Ashley's service Saturday was beautiful. I felt a peace come over me that I haven't felt. There were so many friends and family there to tell her goodbye. I know she was deeply loved and I know she would be so happy that everyone came together for her. I miss her sweet, spunky, bubbly self and her contagious laugh. I put together an album with the things that were read at her funeral.

Funeral readings

Songs played:

Leeland "Carried to the table"

Bldg 429 "Where I belong"

Fuel "Shimmer"

Slide show and Obituary for Ashley Schoen

Slide Show

Obituary

My beautiful baby girl will forever be missed!

It is with a heavy heart and great sadness that I inform you my daughter, Ashley Schoen, passed away this morning. Funeral arrangements are being made and service will be Saturday April 12th at 10 am at 

Walter's Funeral Home
610 S. Commerce St.
Centerville, TX 75833
(903) 536-2551

1 Peter 5:10
And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.

Brain Surgery

I had my brain surgery on September 18. It is technically called Chiari Decompression. It is defined as a posterior fossa decompression is a surgical procedure performed to remove the bone at the back of the skull and spine. The dura overlying the tonsils is opened and a patch is sewn to expand the space, similar to letting out the waistband on a pair of pants. The goals of surgery are to stop or control the progression of symptoms caused by tonsillar herniation, to relieve compression of the brainstem and spinal cord, and to restore the normal flow of cerebrospinal fluid (CSF). The surgery takes about 2 to 3 hours and recovery in the hospital usually lasts 2 to 4 days.
My surgery actually took more like 4 hours and I was in the hospital 4 days. Dr. Kim (my neurosurgeon) said my chiari was worse than the mri in April showed. I am confident that the surgery has fixed me. I have not had a tingle, a pain or a numb feeling since surgery. I get my stitches out on Tuesday and hopefully they clear me to drive because I am getting a little cabin fever.
I have thoroughly enjoyed having my husband do all the endless duties I do during the day that are never ending. Oooh did I already say that, never ending, 24/7 early morning to late at night, mommy this mommy that. He has a new found appreciation for this SUPERMOM!

A posterior fossa decompression is a surgical procedure performed to remove the bone at the back of the skull and spine. The dura overlying the tonsils is opened and a patch is sewn to expand the space, similar to letting out the waistband on a pair of pants. The goals of surgery are to stop or control the progression of symptoms caused by tonsillar herniation, to relieve compression of the brainstem and spinal cord, and to restore the normal flow of cerebrospinal fluid (CSF). The surgery takes about 2 to 3 hours and recovery in the hospital usually lasts 2 to 4 days. - See more at: http://www.mayfieldchiaricenter.com/chiari_surgery.php#sthash.pIMjZvGN.dpuf

A posterior fossa decompression is a surgical procedure performed to remove the bone at the back of the skull and spine. The dura overlying the tonsils is opened and a patch is sewn to expand the space, similar to letting out the waistband on a pair of pants. The goals of surgery are to stop or control the progression of symptoms caused by tonsillar herniation, to relieve compression of the brainstem and spinal cord, and to restore the normal flow of cerebrospinal fluid (CSF). The surgery takes about 2 to 3 hours and recovery in the hospital usually lasts 2 to 4 days. - See more at: http://www.mayfieldchiaricenter.com/chiari_surgery.php#sthash.pIMjZvGN.dpuf

A posterior fossa decompression is a surgical procedure performed to remove the bone at the back of the skull and spine. The dura overlying the tonsils is opened and a patch is sewn to expand the space, similar to letting out the waistband on a pair of pants. The goals of surgery are to stop or control the progression of symptoms caused by tonsillar herniation, to relieve compression of the brainstem and spinal cord, and to restore the normal flow of cerebrospinal fluid (CSF). The surgery takes about 2 to 3 hours and recovery in the hospital usually lasts 2 to 4 days. - See more at: http://www.mayfieldchiaricenter.com/chiari_surgery.php#sthash.pIMjZvGN.dpuf

A posterior fossa decompression is a surgical procedure performed to remove the bone at the back of the skull and spine. The dura overlying the tonsils is opened and a patch is sewn to expand the space, similar to letting out the waistband on a pair of pants. The goals of surgery are to stop or control the progression of symptoms caused by tonsillar herniation, to relieve compression of the brainstem and spinal cord, and to restore the normal flow of cerebrospinal fluid (CSF). The surgery takes about 2 to 3 hours and recovery in the hospital usually lasts 2 to 4 days. - See more at: http://www.mayfieldchiaricenter.com/chiari_surgery.php#sthash.pIMjZvGN.dpuf