Thursday, October 29, 2015

Happy 21st Birthday my beautiful girl!


There are so many things I want to tell you on your birthday. There are so many times through out the day I want to call you and talk to you. There are so many people who love you and miss you.
Having Ashley when I was 16 was by far the hardest thing I thought I would ever do but losing her at the young age of 19 was heart wrenching. Ashley spent 19 beautiful years here on this earth, made countless memories, and touched so many lives. On her 21st birthday we remember the good times, the laughter, the memories made, the people who love her, the friends she cherished, the amazing food she cooked. We will celebrate by releasing balloons with hand written notes from us and her favorite meal Spaghetti Carbonara for dinner. Ashley's spirit lives on in all those who were lucky enough to meet her. Happy Birthday Beautiful!
Some of my favorite pictures of Ashley:


 

 photo ashleysunflowers.jpg



Monday, July 27, 2015

Summer Screen Time

Every year before school gets out I go on Pinterest and pin lots of ideas, activities, and summer fun! Then school get out we go on vacation, kids go to vbs and life gets busy. It isn't until about a month before school starts that I say oh yea I have that Pinterest stuff to I wanted to do. So this morning I modified a NO SCREEN TIME list for my kids. Here is our list. My twins are 7 so it may not work for your kids but you can modify it accordingly.


NO SCREEN TIME UNTIL

*You have read for 20 minutes
*Write a paragraph (4 sentences) about what you read
*Complete math sheet
*You have cleaned you room
*Brought down all laundry
*Put away all folded clothes
*Cleaned mirror and sink in bathroom
*Completed anything mommy/daddy have asked you to do
 
http://doubletheblessing.blogspot.com/

Saturday, May 23, 2015

To Teach is to Touch a Life Forever

I would have never known how much this quote is true until yesterday. We glanced at each other in the cafeteria as I was preparing to eat a surprise lunch with Preston and Lily. She walked over and hugged me like no time had passed at all. She teared up and I cried. She said she has been a mess since hearing about the passing of Ashley. She looked at Lily and said Lily reminds me so much of Ashley. She said that just this week Lily came in from recess and was standing in her class room with another student. She should not have been in the class, it's not even her grade. I know these are all signs from above. I know Ashley is watching over us and her siblings.

Rewind to last Saturday. A picture of the new second grade team at my twins school came across my news feed on Facebook. I immediately recognized one of the ladies in the picture as Ashley's kindergarten teacher, Ms. Chalmers, back in 2000. I couldn't believe it, my jaw dropped, my eyes filled with tears. How in the world did our paths cross 14 years later at the same school my twins were at? I texted my friend which just so happens to be Lily's beloved kindergarten teacher from last year. I asked her if the lady in the picture taught at Adam elementary in 2000? She said yes and she remembers Ashley. Ms. Chalmers sent me a message on FB. We chatted about the past, about Ashley and about our lives now. She taught at the twins school last year as well. I can not believe that the amount of time I spent up at the school last year (kinder) and this year we have not seen each other. It's amazing to see the love that kids have for their teachers. Ashley talked about Ms. Chalmers all the time, she was clearly her favorite. Lily has the same love for her kinder teacher too. She still goes by her class daily just to say hi. Lily's love for her teacher reminds me so much of Ashley's love for Ms. Chalmers. I can't wait to see what the future holds. Lily's kindergarten teacher and Ashley's kindergarten teacher will be teaching second grade next year. I'll be honest and tell you I have prayed that Preston or Lily get one of them! How cool would that be that one of my kid's is assigned to the same teacher that taught Ashley 14 years ago?!?!?

Saturday, April 4, 2015

363 days

On Monday April 6th it will be 365 days since Ashley passed away. I have been thinking about how I will mark that day. To be honest I am not sure that day will be any different than the past 364 days before it. For the past 363 days I have prayed daily, cried often, questioned lots of things, been angry and anxious.
No matter what stage of grief you are in...... it sucks!

Friday, March 13, 2015

Forever in our hearts

Sweet conversation with Preston this morning. He asked me what I was making and I told him a garden flag for Ashley to put on her grave. He asked if we were going to the cemetery while we were in Centerville, Texas I said yes but only if you want too (he didn't want to the last time) He said yea I'll go me, Carly and Lily can play while you visit sissy.

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Happy Birthday Beautiful!

20 years ago on October 29, 1994 at 9:20 am a little 6 lb 14 oz baby girl was placed in my arms. I remember her birth like it was yesterday. Even at the young age of 16 I was the best mom I knew how to be. Ashley always came first, and her life was full of lasting memories, lots of love and laughter. Not a day goes by that I don't think of all the great times we had together and all the memories we made.
6 months and 23 days ago Ashley went to heaven, this is her first birthday we will be spending without her. I would give anything to hear her laugh and see that smile. It will be a day full of tears but it will also be a day we will celebrate the life she had. We are taking the kids out of school, Aaron took off work and we are heading up to Centerville to the cemetery where Ashley is buried to place balloons and flowers on her grave.
I know this will be a sad day so please pray for us, our family and all of Ashley's friends.


We had a balloon release yesterday evening in Ashley's honor. Thank you to our friends, family, our worship pastor, JJ and our pastor Zach for being there for this special occasion. We are truly blessed to call you all our friends and we continue to be amazed by the love everyone has given us.




Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Foot Tattoo

I know it's a little cheesy to write about a tattoo but it's my blog so I will. I have wanted a tattoo on my foot for a long long time. I always said I would wait until we were done having kids first. What I wanted was 5 stargazer lilies to signify my children, Ashley, Preston, Mason (passed in utero at 25 weeks) Lily and Carly. I had high expectations though. I didn't want just a random tattoo artist. I wanted the best, Dan Smith from the show LA Ink. Over labor day weekend 2012 Aaron surprised me with a trip to LA to get a tattoo by Dan. I was shocked! I showed Dan my idea and he made it happen. He drew it free hand and made it everything I could have dreamed of. My next tattoo will be a tribute to my dad and daughter. Both lost too soon. I want to get the same sparrow on the back of my neck that Ashley had on her lower abdomen. She was such a free spirit and really soared above like a bird. Under it I want to put "Fly Free" in my dad's handwriting just as he and Ashley did their whole lives. 



#dansmith #capturedtattoo 
{foot tattoo} {stargazer lilies}

Friday, May 30, 2014

Ashley is missed everyday!

Since Ashley passed I have read articles, blogs and posts about teen addiction. I have questioned my own ability to parent. I have questioned every decision we made on Ashley's behalf. I have looked at my 3 little kids and wonder if there is something that I can do now to prevent them from following a troubled road. Reading articles like this one help me realize that people are people and are going to do what they are going to do. All we can do is love them and be there to pick them up when they fall.  I realize God has a plan for us all.
Parenting Teens That Struggle

I have learned over the years to not judge. You don't know what people are going through. You don't know what struggles lie within the walls of their homes. Be an encourager and uplift people. 

Monday, April 14, 2014

The healing begins.....

Ashley's service Saturday was beautiful. I felt a peace come over me that I haven't felt. There were so many friends and family there to tell her goodbye. I know she was deeply loved and I know she would be so happy that everyone came together for her. I miss her sweet, spunky, bubbly self and her contagious laugh. I put together an album with the things that were read at her funeral.

Funeral readings

Songs played:

Leeland "Carried to the table"

Bldg 429 "Where I belong"

Fuel "Shimmer"

Sunday, April 6, 2014

My beautiful baby girl will forever be missed!

It is with a heavy heart and great sadness that I inform you my daughter, Ashley Schoen, passed away this morning. Funeral arrangements are being made and service will be Saturday April 12th at 10 am at 
Walter's Funeral Home
610 S. Commerce St.
Centerville, TX 75833
(903) 536-2551

1 Peter 5:10
And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.






Monday, September 30, 2013

Brain Surgery

I had my brain surgery on September 18. It is technically called Chiari Decompression. It is defined as a posterior fossa decompression is a surgical procedure performed to remove the bone at the back of the skull and spine. The dura overlying the tonsils is opened and a patch is sewn to expand the space, similar to letting out the waistband on a pair of pants. The goals of surgery are to stop or control the progression of symptoms caused by tonsillar herniation, to relieve compression of the brainstem and spinal cord, and to restore the normal flow of cerebrospinal fluid (CSF). The surgery takes about 2 to 3 hours and recovery in the hospital usually lasts 2 to 4 days.
My surgery actually took more like 4 hours and I was in the hospital 4 days. Dr. Kim (my neurosurgeon) said my chiari was worse than the mri in April showed. I am confident that the surgery has fixed me. I have not had a tingle, a pain or a numb feeling since surgery. I get my stitches out on Tuesday and hopefully they clear me to drive because I am getting a little cabin fever.
I have thoroughly enjoyed having my husband do all the endless duties I do during the day that are never ending. Oooh did I already say that, never ending, 24/7 early morning to late at night, mommy this mommy that. He has a new found appreciation for this SUPERMOM!
A posterior fossa decompression is a surgical procedure performed to remove the bone at the back of the skull and spine. The dura overlying the tonsils is opened and a patch is sewn to expand the space, similar to letting out the waistband on a pair of pants. The goals of surgery are to stop or control the progression of symptoms caused by tonsillar herniation, to relieve compression of the brainstem and spinal cord, and to restore the normal flow of cerebrospinal fluid (CSF). The surgery takes about 2 to 3 hours and recovery in the hospital usually lasts 2 to 4 days. - See more at: http://www.mayfieldchiaricenter.com/chiari_surgery.php#sthash.pIMjZvGN.dpuf
A posterior fossa decompression is a surgical procedure performed to remove the bone at the back of the skull and spine. The dura overlying the tonsils is opened and a patch is sewn to expand the space, similar to letting out the waistband on a pair of pants. The goals of surgery are to stop or control the progression of symptoms caused by tonsillar herniation, to relieve compression of the brainstem and spinal cord, and to restore the normal flow of cerebrospinal fluid (CSF). The surgery takes about 2 to 3 hours and recovery in the hospital usually lasts 2 to 4 days. - See more at: http://www.mayfieldchiaricenter.com/chiari_surgery.php#sthash.pIMjZvGN.dpuf
A posterior fossa decompression is a surgical procedure performed to remove the bone at the back of the skull and spine. The dura overlying the tonsils is opened and a patch is sewn to expand the space, similar to letting out the waistband on a pair of pants. The goals of surgery are to stop or control the progression of symptoms caused by tonsillar herniation, to relieve compression of the brainstem and spinal cord, and to restore the normal flow of cerebrospinal fluid (CSF). The surgery takes about 2 to 3 hours and recovery in the hospital usually lasts 2 to 4 days. - See more at: http://www.mayfieldchiaricenter.com/chiari_surgery.php#sthash.pIMjZvGN.dpuf
A posterior fossa decompression is a surgical procedure performed to remove the bone at the back of the skull and spine. The dura overlying the tonsils is opened and a patch is sewn to expand the space, similar to letting out the waistband on a pair of pants. The goals of surgery are to stop or control the progression of symptoms caused by tonsillar herniation, to relieve compression of the brainstem and spinal cord, and to restore the normal flow of cerebrospinal fluid (CSF). The surgery takes about 2 to 3 hours and recovery in the hospital usually lasts 2 to 4 days. - See more at: http://www.mayfieldchiaricenter.com/chiari_surgery.php#sthash.pIMjZvGN.dpuf

And then there was Zoey!

Because my life is not crazy enough with a dramatic 18 yr old, rambunctious 5 yr old twins and a sassy little 17 month old and a home base embroidery business......... we got a PUPPY! We have actually been looking for a Westie since April but have had no luck. The opportunity came about Labor Day weekend that a maltese was available and a female so we got her. We named her Teche (tesh) at first but that seemed more like a big dog name and well Zoey is bite size. We went through a list of favorite dog names and Zoey stuck. She is 2.5 lbs and just a little ball of fun. There have been hurdles, loss of sleep, poop on the floor, whining at night, but we love her and she is learning.Our beloved cat of 13 years Kiki passed away on 8-21 so we didn't think twice about adding Zoey to our family.


Tuesday, August 27, 2013

My babies had a great first day at Kindergarten

As the bus pulled up and the rained poured down my babies got off with excitement about their first day of Kindergarten. I am so excited about this year and all they will learn the friends they will make and the experiences they will encounter.



Sunday, August 25, 2013

Twas the night before kindergarten...........

‘Twas the night before kindergarten and as they prepared,
kids were excited and a little bit scared.
They tossed and they turned about in their beds,
while visions of school supplies danced in their heads.
Erasers and crayons and pencils galore
were stuffed in their backpacks and set by the door.

 Outfits were hung in closets with care,
knowing that kindergarten soon would be there.
In the morning it came – school starts today!
Would the teacher be nice? Would they still get to play?
Faces were washed, and teeth were brushed white;
Kids posed for pictures with eyes sparkling bright.
Parents packed snacks and kids hopped in cars
As if they were boarding a spaceship to Mars.
Some kids brought blankets or their favorite stuffed bear;
in hopes they could nap like they did in day care.
Their parents exclaimed: “You’re big kids – WOW!
Let us hold your bears and blankies for now.”
The parents were worried their children would cry
if they left them at school with just a good-bye.
So they told their darlings, “If you want, we can stay
and make sure that everything will be A-okay”

The teacher then greeted each one with a smile,
and invited the students to stay for a while.
The room was all filled with toys, books, and maps,
but where were the beds for midmorning naps?
They colored and painted and played Simon Says,
then tumbled and skipped and stood on their heads.
They sang silly songs from beginning to end.
Within just a minute, each kid had a friend.
The children were happy. They loved Miss Sunrise
It was she who was in for a giant surprise.
When what to her wondering eyes should appear
but sad moms and dads who were holding back tears!
Their noses – so sniffly! Their eyes – red and wet!
This was the saddest good-bye Miss Sunrise had seen yet!
She gathered the grown-ups on the magical rug,
then sent them away after one final hug.
The children all waved from the door of the school.
“Don’t cry, Mom and Dad; kindergarten is cool!”

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Off to Kinder they go!

Today we had meet the teacher for the twins. I could possibly be more excited than them. Their school is amazing. It was constructed this year and literally finished weeks ago. It is gorgeous inside. I am so excited for the teachers and students. It's going to be a great year.



Monday, June 3, 2013

I have a diagnosis

I have been back and forth to drs and have had several MRI's. I went to another neurosurgeon this morning and have answers. Not the answers I had hoped for but either way we have a next step.
The Dr was shocked after reviewing my mri results that I don't have more symptoms than I do. When I asked her what she expected to see she said that most people with severe herniation and spinal voids (syrinx) are very clumsy, drop things often, have severe headaches, get dizzy, have speech issues and fall often. She stated she couldn't believe I only have headaches and slight nerve damage on the left side. However she does recommend surgery. It's not something that is urgent since my symptoms aren't progressing rapidly. The surgery will release the pressure and prevent my symptoms from getting worse but won't cure any damage that has been done. I will be having chiari decompression surgery probably in August. It is a 4-6 weeks recovery time so maybe when Preston and Lily go to kinder in August that will be the best time.  Ashley's culinary program is year round so she won't be done until December. I don't think she will ever move back to Cypress. She is absolutely loving Austin.
Here is a link about the surgery if you are bored or curious. http://www.mayfieldchiaricenter.com/chiari_surgery.php  It's a 2-3 hour surgery that involves removing a section of my skull from the back of my head. The hospital stay is 2-3 days. Recovery 4-6 weeks. I have my pre surgery consult on June 18.
I asked my Dr. if I could still go on my girls trip this weekend and to Hawaii next week and she said yes but I do have some rules I have to follow until the surgery. No head jolting, sky diving, zip lining, roller coasters, scuba diving and nothing that will cause trauma. These were pretty obvious since I don't do any of those anyway except the roller coasters.So I will be relaxing my little heart out in New Braunfels this weekend and head to Hawaii with my hubby on Monday. I plan to do nothing but sip drinks all day on the beach. 

Sunday, April 28, 2013

In a moment everything changed

I have always been very healthy. My doctor even made the comment a few weeks ago "We haven't seen you in 4 years" That is because I hardly ever get sick. Around the beginning of April I started having headaches and went to visit my doctor. The nurse practitioner said it looked like my pain was more in the neck and prescribed muscle relaxers. I took it once and it didn't help at all. I had tried everything from Advil, Aleve, to caffeine and chocolate. Nothing worked so I started taking Excedrin Migraine. That seemed to help so I started taking 2 Excedrin everyday for about 2 weeks. I also started a new Zumba class to get fit for our upcoming Hawaii trip. I did several Zumba classes and liked it but it wasn't something that was gonna make me lose the weight I wanted. So I started a kickboxing class. The first class I was exhausted but loved it. I never did sit ups or push ups and did 50 of each at the first class. I couldn't wait to go back. I went back last Tuesday but couldn't do the things I had done in the first class. My abs were killing me. Once I got home I cleaned the house and did my usual Tuesday stuff while the twins were at school. The time came to pick up the twins and my abs were hurting a little more. Preston had a game that night and I needed to bring a meal to someone. Around 5:30 I bought the meal and by the time I got back home I could barely walk into the house. Aaron saw me and immediately though I had appendicitis. We called the neighbor to come over and watch the kids so we could go to the emergency room. Once we got to the ER the dr gave me morphine for the pain. She also assumed it was appendicitis as well but needed to do a ct scan to confirm. The CT scan came back and she was surprised that it wasn't appendicitis but what she called a huge mass in my abdomen. That scared me right away. We went to a stand alone ER that isn't attached to a hospital, which meant I needed to be transported to the hospital. About 10 that night I got to the hospital got more pain meds and went to sleep. Early Wednesday morning I got an MRI. The dr came into visit and I explained I had been taken Excedrin, started exercising and am now in pain. Before he even reviewed the MRI he said I had a rectus sheath hematoma. A combination of the aspirin in the Excedrin combined with my new exercise routine thinned my blood and caused an artery to bust. I lost about a until of blood but it's contained within the muscle. The only thing that will help is rest and relaxing. Oh and not lifting anything over 10 lbs for a few weeks. That's a hard one since Carly weighs 17 lbs.
Once we figured out the abdomen pain he wanted to know why I was having such bad headaches. I told him where my pain was and he ordered a CT Scan. The scan did come back abnormal and he said I probably have one of two conditions but wanted to get an MRI done to be sure. The 2 conditions he thinks I might have are:
a condition involving the greater occipital nerve
or
I could have been born with the chiari 1 and it may or may not have anything to do with the pain I am having.I need to call on Monday to make an appt to go in and review the results. He said that in most cases both can be eased with medication depending on how much I can tolerate the headaches. Right now nothing helps the pain. They sent me home with Vicodin which is a joke. They did give me a steroid shot of prednisone that helped alot but they said I can't go home with that. 
So that is where I am and how life can change in a moment. 

Saturday, April 6, 2013

Could they be anymore beautiful!!!

I am so happy and blessed that they are mine. 


 
Ashley came into town for a few days for Easter. Between work and school in Austin it's difficult for her to get down here. I told her the only plan was that we were all going to be in the same place at the same time and take a family pic. I didn't care if we were all smiling I just wanted a family pic. I am surprised how well they came out. I could not be more proud of my family. I absolutely love it!

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Resolutions

I usually don't set aside a list of rules for myself to abide by. Especially since by 1-3-12 half of them are usually broken. I try not to set expectations that will disappoint me. I'd rather just have a word or a phrase to live by each and every day. Last year my word was SIMPLIFY. I strived to really make my life simple. This year it's still the same, SIMPLIFY. I succeeded in simplifying last year but I think it's something that always needs to be revisited. I love this sign that hangs in my kitchen because it's a constant reminder that simple is always better.